


Paris is Always a Good Idea

by Lula_Landry



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Friends, Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Neighbors, One Shot, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:54:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22888768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lula_Landry/pseuds/Lula_Landry
Summary: Growing up, Ben was the boy next door and Rey was his ideal girl. Their friendship should have been forever but teenage angst got in the way. Rey and Ben are now in college and once more reality bites.This is a story of what happens when Rey realises she has to make amends and reconnect with her ex-childhood best friend Ben Solo.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 15
Kudos: 91





	Paris is Always a Good Idea

It was amazing how priorities changed once you received a death sentence.

Helena Reylene Walker walked through the college dormitory hallway, more excited than afraid. Once you’d faced truly horrible things, other stuff became less scary. It was how she’d found the courage to do what she was doing now.

She had one week to convince Ben Solo to become her best friend again.

She arrived at a beige door, the number one stencilled in peeling black letters over a peephole. She knocked before nerves caught up with her.

The door was ripped open without hesitation and Len looked up into the warm amber eyes of the exact boy she wanted to see.

Man.

He was a man now. A year older than her own age of twenty-three.

Good grief, he was tall.

And big.

Ben had filled out, his current attire of tight white undershirt and red basketball shorts only emphasizing that fact. The last time they’d really talked he’d been thirteen, skinny with ears too big for his head and a smile that was goofy like a puppy’s.

Now…

He’d grown into his oversized head, his long nose and plush lips almost sensual, his wide cheekbones and strong jawline unmistakeably male. His black hair was still thick and unruly, three inches too long for a corporate office, but then he was in college. The dense waves covered his ears in a way that looked natural, but she wondered if it was deliberate. He’d always been conscious of his ears.

He had broad shoulders and bulky arms, thick muscle straining his cotton t-shirt. His hips were lean, his thighs hard, and his calves made it evident he ran or jogged frequently. The top of her head came up to the middle of his deep chest and suddenly she felt very, very small.

Those amber eyes were perusing her as much as she was taking him in. He hadn’t recognised her straight away, she realised with a pang. She could see him trying to place her in his memory. He was dorm leader, hence room number one, and probably thought she was some co-ed who’d lost her way.

Len had tried so hard to look cute but not over-the-top glamazon. It was something they’d argued about in high school—her desire to pile on the makeup until her real self was completely hidden.

At least, that’s what Ben accused her of doing, and he hadn’t been far wrong.

She’d worn her favourite denim miniskirt, faded blue with a frayed white hem, and a lemon yellow tank top that emphasized her summer tan. In contrast, he was as pale as marble, his skin still incapable of soaking up the sun.

Her dark red hair was in pigtails, but she’d resolutely left off tying the ends with yellow ribbon so she didn’t look like she was some kind of popstar reject. Her only makeup was cherry gloss, hazel eyes shining in a delicate face, her nervous excitement irrepressible.

Ben was already speaking. “How can I help…”

But then she smiled up at him, unable to contain the sheer joy she felt at seeing him again. She should have done this years ago.

He blinked as if dazzled, and to her dismay his face stiffened. “Rey?”

He was the only one who called her that, as if his knowledge of her mortifying middle name was a privilege.

“Hi, Ben,” she said, taking a step forward to hug him.

But he backed away, preventing her from following through.

Len dropped her half-raised hands in embarrassment. What had she expected? They’d parted ways as mortal enemies. She’d hurt him over and over again with her shallow choices.

“What’re you doing here?” he asked, his deep voice causing a thousand butterflies to take flight in her stomach.

“I came to see you,” she admitted.

“Why?” He sounded unhappy. Unhappy and incredulous.

Len felt her cheeks heat up.

What was she doing? This was crazy. It had been six years since they’d last laid eyes on each other, even longer since they’d last talked.  


What if this didn’t work? It wasn’t as if she had time to spare.

But that was exactly why she had to do it. If nothing else, she needed to apologise to Ben. Make him understand she regretted what she’d done to him. To them.  


“Who is it, man?” another voice called from within the room.

Len realised Ben hadn’t opened his door wide enough for her to see inside. Already he was trying to shut her out.

Another face popped up attached to a guy with flawless chocolate skin. He was similarly dressed to Ben except his basketball shorts were blue. He gave her an easy grin. “How’re you doing?”

Not great, was what she wanted to say. “Um, good,” she told him, taking his proffered hand as the new guy squeezed around Ben’s unmoving shoulders. “My name’s Helena. I’m—I’m an old friend of Ben’s.”

“Nice!” he declared, his smile broadening. “You can tell us all sorts of embarrassing stories about this one.” He bumped Ben’s arm, but the other man didn’t react. “I’m Finn, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you, Finn.”

“Is she hot?” yet another voice demanded.

Len blinked, wondering exactly how many friends Ben had smuggled inside his room.

The latest reveal was less polite about Ben’s decision to plant himself in the doorway like a tree. He tugged the door all the way back, ripping it out of Ben’s grip, revealing dimples and chestnut curls.

“Hello,” he greeted her with meaningful inflection, “I’m Poe.”

“Hi, Poe,” Len said, blushing under their combined stares. “Um, Ben, did you have a minute?”

“No, he does not, darlin’,” Poe said in mock apology. “We’re just heading back to my frat house for a pool party.”

Len looked at Ben but he said nothing, his jaw jutting out like a chunk of granite.

Finn frowned. “It’s a kegger, dude, not our graduation ceremony. Surely we can give Ben some time to talk to his friend…”

“No.” The single word had come from Ben with explosive suddenness, silencing Finn. “She’s not really my friend. Are you, Helena?”

Oh.

Oh, no.

Len tried to scramble for a response, heart pounding in her chest. Ben sounded cold. Bitter. And this time he didn’t call her Rey.

Ben was still speaking. “Poe’s right, we need to get going.”

Finn was openly staring at Ben, looking a little shocked. Poe, bless his cotton socks, was only interested in his own agenda.

“Of course, I’m right,” he crowed. “And besides, who said Helena here was going anywhere? You’re coming with us, little darlin’. More the merrier.” Poe slung his arm around her narrow shoulders and led the way out of the dormitory.

Len allowed Poe to drag her along in his wake. She turned her head to glance at Ben and saw he was scowling. Her heart plummeted, her fingers like ice despite the warm weather.

She nearly left that second. Home was only a three hour drive away.

Ben’s reaction was so much worse than she thought it would be. He hadn’t even given her an opportunity to speak.

Did he hate her that much?

Recalling some of their more heated arguments, she knew the answer was yes. But after all this time, she’d hoped he’d be willing to give her a second chance.

No second chances for her, apparently. Not from Ben and not in life.

Finn was talking to Ben, his brow furrowed, and Len could only imagine the things being said about her. Poe remained clueless, jabbering away about a cask of whiskey he’d purchased for the shindig, his arm heavy on her shoulders.

She told herself not to be a coward. Maybe the pool party was another opportunity for her to speak to Ben. Maybe that was the moment she was waiting for.

She had to try.

Ben Solo couldn’t keep his eyes off the bright red braids bouncing in front of him.

Seriously—what the hell?

Rey was his past, a part of his torturous high school existence that he swore he’d put behind him. In the last five years he’d finished a degree in fine arts and was now working on a post-graduate thesis in design. College had been nothing but glorious, a way for him to expand his brilliant mind and explore his creative drive.

This was where he’d found his niche, where he’d made real friends. And into his blessed existence Rey arrived, like a heat seeking missile aimed at an idyllic meadow.

Why was she even here? He decided he didn’t care. It had taken him years to get over Helena Rey and he wasn’t about to reopen those wounds.

Finn was by his side, asking questions about Rey and how he knew her, but Ben shut him down. The less said the better.

Poe and Finn’s frat house was already buzzing by the time they arrived. They really were late.

Seeing Poe’s arm around Rey’s shoulders was driving him crazy, so Ben was glad when Poe ditched her in favour of beer. Poe was predictable like that.

The entrance hall of the house was packed with college kids in bikinis and board shorts, drinks in hand. As the milled around for a second, Rey’s big hazel eyes fixed on him and she drifted closer. Finn saw her approach and turned away with a mumbled excuse. Ben nearly swore at the back of his friend’s disappearing head.

“I didn’t realise you liked to party,” she said awkwardly.

He didn’t. Ben hated a crowd of more than five people, but he found himself unreasonably pleased she’d remembered that about him. “Maybe if I’d been invited to a social event in high school you would have seen another side to me,” he heard himself say snarkily.

She bit her pink lower lip and he wished he could take the words back. What was the point of spilling vitriol at her now? The only thing he was doing was confirming how much power she’d once had over him. Not anymore.

Ben realised it wasn’t high school that bothered him so much as this girl. Rey had broken his heart, ensuring he was never the same again.

But wasn’t that what girls did—make you think you owned the moon and then shattered your ego like it was made of glass? He needed to get over himself.

“You want a drink?” he asked in desperation.

She shook her head, though she looked grateful he’d attempted a social nicety. That was him all the way—setting the bar boot crunchingly low to hook the ladies.

“Nah, I’m on a clean eating plan.”

“Seriously?”

She laughed at his expression, her radiant smile making his gut twist. “Yes, sorry for being a killjoy.”

“I know the house,” he told her. “I hang out here all the time. I can get you a water from the kitchen.”

She gave him a look of such heartfelt gratitude that he felt like a fraud. He wasn’t being nice because he wanted to make Rey comfortable… he just didn’t want to turn into his fifteen-year-old self again.

“That would be great, thanks.”

Ben ploughed through clusters of students, surprised when Rey followed close behind. The kitchen was a little quieter but not by much, plenty of people filling the space.

Ben greeted Poe’s frat buddies whenever he saw one. They’d asked him to pledge, but he liked the additional cash being a dorm leader gave him.

He filled a glass with water and handed it to Rey, wishing her skirt wasn’t so short on creamy thighs, that her tank top didn’t outline the curve of firm breasts. Her chest had developed when she was twelve, a perfect handful that he’d lusted after their entire school life.

Ben hated that he knew Rey so well, her body like a map he’d gone over in his mind multiple times.

“How’ve you been?” he asked, knowing he sounded depressingly resigned. “Harvard, right?”

She looked at him in surprise over the rim of her glass.

“Our moms still hang out,” he explained, as if he didn’t devour every crumb about Rey that dropped from his mother’s chatty mouth.

She nodded. “I know. That’s how I found out you had another week at school.”

“You already finished for the semester?”

“Yes, I thought I’d come home for summer break. At least for a little while.”

“You haven’t done that in years.”

Her cheeks turned pink, hearing criticism in his tone. “I decided I needed to spend more time with my mother. I’m taking a semester off, actually.”

He frowned. “Really? Why?”

“Why not? People do it all the time—travel and recharge.” She sounded oddly reticent.

“I didn’t think anything could derail your ambition to becoming the youngest chief justice the country has ever seen.”

Her gaze dropped to his knees and Ben knew he’d upset her. It wasn’t what he was saying but how he was saying it, his tone laden with sarcasm. Damnit, he needed to lay off.

“That’s actually why I came to see you…” Rey began, but a girlish squeal interrupted her.

Jessika Pava bounced up to them—bounced being the operative word in her miniscule metallic gold bikini top and white booty shorts. She threw her arms around Ben, pressing glossy red lips to his mouth.

Woah, the sun hadn’t even set and she was wasted. Typical Jess.

“Ben, where’ve you been?” she exclaimed, holding onto his shoulders like he was a jungle gym.

“Um, right here,” he replied, sounding idiotic to his own ears.

Jess was a sorority bunny, taking pride in the fact her house hosted the booziest parties during the school term. She made sure she boned every frat guy she judged hot, and that was almost all of them.

Ben wouldn’t normally have been her type, what with his being unpledged and therefore a commoner, but he suspected he’d become somewhat of a white whale to dear Jess. He’d avoided her advances the last couple of times she’d tried to make out with him, and that had only made him more desirable.

He was never gonna go there. Ben knew for a fact she’d screwed Poe more than once, and he suspected Jess had even laid claim to Finn based on the other guy’s awkward stammering whenever her name came up.

He was on the verge of pushing Jess off himself when he caught sight of Rey’s face. She looked stunned. It brought back every revenge fantasy he’d ever thought up after she’d dumped him for the cool kids at school.

Good. Let Rey see him with a pretty girl wrapped around his body. She could finally know what it felt like the day he’d walked in on her making out with the high school quarterback, Devon Mackie. That was also the day Ben lost his privilege to drop by her house any time he wanted.

He slung an arm around Jessika’s bare waist and introduced the two girls. Rey managed a hesitant “nice to meet you” but Jess ignored her completely. The brunette was plastered to Ben’s side as she mumbled a lewd invitation in his ear.

Ben gave Rey a faux apologetic shrug as he allowed Jess to drag him out of the kitchen and upstairs.

Like the jerk that he was, he made sure to give Rey one last look, wanting to soak in her annoyance… but the little redhead only looked sad.

Ben had a girlfriend. A cute one who wore very little clothes. Of course, he did.

Ugh, she felt like throwing up.

Helena walked back to the main living room of the frat house, looking for a corner to disappear into. There were none. Leaving behind her glass of water, she wandered outside.

A brilliant orange sun was dipping into the horizon and the house lights had come on. Strings of multicoloured fairy lights lit up the dusk. At least two dozen people clutching several inflatable floats were crammed into the pool, splashing and shrieking in general merriment. Len was pretty sure she’d spotted Poe’s chestnut curls amongst the crush of bodies.

She should leave.

How beyond humiliating would it be if she waited around while Ben shagged his girlfriend? He’d made it clear he didn’t want her there; wasn’t interested in reconnecting with her.

But their brief conversation in the kitchen had made her heart skip a beat. It still felt like Ben knew her better than any of anyone else, even if he sounded mad at her. Surely that was worth something?

Len was so tired of the superficiality that surrounded her. It was all her own fault, of course, so maybe she had to eat crow to rectify things. A form of penance. Except the karma train had already hit her pretty hard.

Not that Ben knew anything about it. Len didn’t want him to know. She saw what telling Nat had done to their friendship.

Except were they really friends when the other girl had all but stopped responding to her calls and texts?

Len spotted an iron bench in a little garden nook, as yet undefiled by the presence of writhing bodies. She took a seat and closed her eyes, still debating what to do, the cries of party goers and the bass thump of music a not unpleasant background. She felt like she was in a bubble as night fell and enfolded her in its darkness.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

She jumped at the unexpected voice. It was Ben’s friend Finn, red plastic cup in hand.

He shook his head, “Sorry, that came out creepier than it sounded in my head. I’m not a sleazebag, promise.”

She was grateful for the interruption. “My thoughts are worth far less than a penny.”

“I don’t believe that,” he said, taking a seat on the other end of the bench.

Len was grateful he hadn’t tried to cuddle up to her. She then realised here was a fountain of information on the very person she wanted to get close to.

“How long have you and Ben been friends?” she asked, trying not to sound over eager.

“We met freshman year,” Finn said without hesitation. “We both liked cross country and got to know each other that way. He’s a good guy.”

Len nodded. “That he is.”

“And you? How long have you two been ‘not-friends’?”

She laughed at the unexpectedness of the question but decided to be honest. “A really long time now. Maybe eight years.” Finn raised his eyebrows and Len found herself explaining, “We used to be super close, like finish each other’s sentences close. We were neighbours—I mean, we still are. We practically grew up together, and then high school got in the way.”

“You grew apart,” Finn said companionably. “I get that.”

Len felt a burning need to confess. “It was my fault mostly.”

“I get that too,” Finn chuckled.

“Right,” she sighed. “Ben’s a pretty straight arrow.”

Finn took a sip of his drink. “He’s got no filter, but he’s not malicious about it.”

Len tensed, wondering if Finn thought she’d been criticizing Ben. “No, of course not. It’s why his friendship meant so much to me. He was always honest.”

“Yeah, he’s kinda my best friend now.” Finn crumpled up his cup. “Which is why I say this with the best of intentions. Don’t mess with him, okay?”

“What d’you mean?” Len asked, wanting to shrink into nothingness.

She knew it. What had Ben told Finn about her? That she was a grade A bitch? Guilty.

Finn shrugged and then unknowingly answered her question. “Ben didn’t say nothin’, but that’s how I know whatever went down between you two was probably big. He’s never shut me out like that.”

Len was torn between guilt and relief. “I’m only here to…”

“Having a good chat?”

Finn dropped the crumpled plastic cup he’d been tossing in the air and Len gaped as Ben emerged from the shadows.

“Just keeping Len company,” Finn said, standing up. “I think I heard Poe call my name. Better go make sure he hasn’t drowned in a barrel of beer.”

He walked away unacknowledged, leaving Len to gaze nervously at Ben, the two of them more focused on each other than anything else going on around them.

“That was quick,” Len said, and then blushed scarlet. “I mean—I didn’t mean you were quick—that is…”

Ben rolled his eyes, taking Finn’s spot on the bench. “I didn’t have sex, Rey. Damn.”

She giggled unexpectedly, and he smiled too.

There was something helpful about sitting in the dark. It seemed to soften the jagged edges of their shared past.  


“So, what’s up?” he asked.

“You seem happy,” she said, wanting to be happy for him, but it only came out wistful.

“You don’t.”

He heard her tiny intake of breath. He’d startled her.

“Why d’you say that?”

“Look where you are right now, Rey—in the dark talking to me.”

She laughed again. He’d always been able to make her laugh. It pleased him that he still could.

“I’ve been taking stock of my life,” she said slowly, as if making sure her words came out right. Always the perfectionist.

Ben ran a hand through his wild mop of hair, trying to centre himself. He knew that he was sliding back into the rhythms of a decades old friendship, already tuning his antennae so he could read the minutia of her emotions.

He had to remember that Rey was not the girl of his dreams. She was just a girl, as flawed as any of them, and, after all this time, practically a stranger.

“I realised while my choice of school and eventual career were all in order, the more important things weren’t.” She snuck a look at him from under thick lashes, but he said nothing. “My relationship with my parents had been neglected and… and the people I called my friends were kinda shallow.”

Ben couldn’t help himself, he let out a mocking huff of breath.

“They’re not bad guys,” Rey rushed on, “just… preoccupied with unimportant stuff.”

“This is not new information,” Ben snapped.

“It was to me,” she replied, bristling.

He smirked. Rey always did have a temper on her. Fiery little redhead.

He had to stop. This was dangerous. He could feel his heart beginning to yearn for her, an emotion both familiar and toxic.

“What do you want, Rey?” he asked, looking away from her shadowed face and up at the night sky.

He longed for the peace he had a mere two hours ago. He didn’t want this… didn’t want her.

After all this time, surely he didn’t want her.

He heard her take a deep breath, and then…

“IneedtoapologiseforwhatIdidtoyou.”

He blinked, turning to face her. “What?”

Her fingers were twisting in her lap, her big eyes anxious. “I—I owe you an apology, Ben.”

He said nothing, merely waited.

“I treated you badly in high school. I was so desperate for acceptance that I turned my back on my one real friend. My oldest and best friend. You were nothing but good to me and good for me, and I… I turned into a cliched mean girl.”

After all this time, Ben waited to feel vindication or triumph, but it didn’t come. Maybe he had grown up after all. “You know what, Rey, it’s in the past.”

“So you forgive me?” she asked plaintively.

He ran a hand over his face as if washing it. “Sure.”

There was a brief silence between them, filled by the whooping and hollering of a frat house party.

“What’s your thesis topic?” Len asked at last.

“Are we really gonna do this? Talk like old friends?”

She chewed her lower lip. “Will Jess be upset if I monopolise you for a while?”

He shook his head, deciding to come clean. “Jess isn’t my girlfriend. She’s probably already in bed with someone else.”

Len smiled and tucked her feet beneath herself on the bench. “Then, yeah, let’s do this. I wanna hear about your life, Ben.”

So he told her. They talked about school and family, friends and lovers, the trajectory of their lives and hopes for the future. The hours slipped by quickly.

Ben admitted he enjoyed academia so much he was considering sticking around, making a career out of it. He could eventually become a professor and work on his photographic projects on the side. He’d discovered he liked teaching.

Len revealed being in Harvard Law was like living in a pressure cooker, that it was everything she’d sought after and yet the hardest thing she’d ever done. She confessed she didn’t think the life of a hotshot lawyer was what she wanted anymore, but she didn’t know what else to do with her future.

They talked until he felt dizzy and she seemed drunk, only on exhaustion. Ben ended up walking Len to her car in the early hours of the morning. She’d booked a room at a nearby motel.

As she drove away, he stood watching her taillights disappear, half hoping he’d never see her again but knowing that wasn’t actually what he wanted. 

Len was over the moon. She had her friend back.

Spending time with Ben was like wrapping herself in an old blanket; familiar and comfortable… and a little hot.

She’d always liked his features, the full lips and amber gaze, his soft, thick black hair that could not be controlled, but now put together in the form of an adult male, she realised he was making her drool.

And Ben was single—hooray!

She bought a box of doughnuts and a coffee for him, fresh squeezed juice for herself. They hadn’t made plans to do anything today, but she wanted to see Ben one more time before she drove back.

And then perhaps they could hang out on the weekend. He said he’d be home by then, his school term all wrapped up.

She should call the airline and delay her ticket. Truth was she would rather be with Ben than go to France.

Len told herself to slow down. It was one conversation. What if things were different in the morning light? Ben had other commitments—what if he didn’t plan on hanging out with her again?

Her heart ached at the thought.

Good grief, what was wrong with her? She'd never felt like this about a guy before. She already missed Ben.

Len pulled up in a parking lot and exited the car, breakfast in hand. She cut across a quad with stone tables and benches and leafy trees, empty in the late hours of the morning except for… Ben.

He was dressed in a tight black Henley and faded blue jeans, looking far cooler than he had a right to, the muscles in his arms and chest clearly defined. His hair was still a glorious mess and despite the shadows under his eyes his pallor was bright. His laptop was open in front of him.

He saw her coming and frowned, making her heart dip in her chest.

She told herself not to overstay her welcome. She was being too much too soon. It was just… she wanted to be with Ben.

“Hey, I got you coffee and doughnuts,” she said, wincing on the inside as her tone came out unnaturally cheery.

“Um, thanks?” he replied.

Not the greatest of welcomes.

"Did you sleep okay?” she asked, putting down the box and cardboard tray of drinks.

He shrugged. “Not really, no.”

“Oh.” Len sat down, unsure if he wanted her there. “What’re you working on?”

“Teaching assistant in one of the undergrad classes. Marking papers.”

Len tried not to frown. Neither statement was a whole sentence.

He inhaled a couple of doughnuts which she took as a good sign. Maybe he wasn’t a morning person anymore. The Ben she’d known back when was always happy to see her.

Her phone rang and Ben winced. She wondered if he’d been drunker than she thought last night and was hung over.

Oh God, had he been drunk when they reconnected? Had he only tolerated her presence because he was wrapped in a fog of beer?

Len quickly answered the phone, surprised to hear Nat’s voice. The other girl had been avoiding her.

“Hey, how are you?” She glanced at Ben but he was munching on his third doughnut. “No, no, it’s fine… A trip to Cabot? Really? Now?... Yeah, I guess… I can’t let you pay for me… Nat, that’s so generous, but… Yes, I was serious about spending time with my folks… Dominic can wait… I’m not being unreasonable! A beach holiday does sound amazing… Fine, I’ll talk to you later.”

Len ended the call, feeling uneasy. When she looked up, Ben was smiling oddly at her.

“Who’s Dominic?”

“No one. I mean, a guy at Nat’s work she’s trying to set me up with.” Nat’s exact words were that she, Len, had to smash that before her looks were affected. Cow.

“Nat… Do you mean Bazine Natal? You’re still friends with her?”

“Yes,” Len said reluctantly.

In high school, Nat had been the worst of them, captain of the cheer squad and constantly egging on the football players to attack anyone she thought deserved it… which included Ben.

She always suspected Nat went after Ben because of Len’s own connection to him. The other girl could scent weakness like it was blood in the water during shark season.

“Why?”

“Why what?” Len replied, deliberately obtuse as Ben ate his fourth doughnut, nearly emptying the box.

He was being short with her, and while he seemed to be enjoying the food, he’d yet to thank her. Neanderthal male.

And yes, Nat had her moments, but she was also generous and fun. She’d just offered to pay Len’s way for a trip to Cabot—Nat knew Len’s family didn’t have much money— except her timing was incredibly awkward. Didn’t Nat realise she needed to be with family right now?

“Don’t get defensive,” Ben huffed.

“I’m not—” Len paused and took a deep breath. “She’s my friend, okay? Nat’s been good to me.”

“When it suits her, I bet,” Ben muttered around doughnut number five. Was this how he’d gotten so big? Were his muscles made out of doughnuts and ice cream?

Len glared at him. “You have no right to judge her.”

She hated that he was right, revealing just how emotionally stagnant she’d been since high school.

Even when they were friends, Ben knew exactly what to say to make her explode in fury. And then five minutes later they were back in each other’s faces, laughing about something else.

Ben put down the half-eaten doughnut, his expression unreadable. “What’re we doing, Rey?”

“Excuse me?”

“Why are you here still? You made amends. I accepted your apology, didn’t I?”

She felt her eyes sting as he spat the words like venom.

He hadn’t meant it when he said he was over her teenage betrayal. Of course he hadn’t meant it.

Ben ran a hand through his hair and sighed, softening his tone. His amber gaze returned to hers. “Just because I’ve moved on from old high school drama, it doesn’t mean we have to be in each other’s lives again.”

“What?” Len hated how high and squeaky her voice had become, but a tremble in her stomach was telling her things were about to unravel.

“People grow up and apart, Rey. We haven’t talked in over a decade. Last night was nice, but what’re you trying to achieve? Don’t force a friendship that isn’t there.”

“But I thought we could…”

“Rey.” His voice was kind, and that’s what hurt the most. “Thank you for coming to see me, that took guts, but I think we need to be realistic. You have your friends and I have mine. I’m not that dorky neighbour boy with no social skills anymore. I don’t need you.”

Len told herself not to cry in front of Ben. She didn’t want him feeling sorry for her. She wasn’t after his pity.

If he didn’t want her in the sober light of day… then he didn’t want her.

She’d tried. Wasn’t that what mattered?

Sure, it was.

“Okay,” she said, forcing a smile on trembling lips. “You’re right. Have a wonderful life, Ben Solo. It’s been really good seeing you.”

She picked up her juice cup and walked away, unable to comprehend how life could change from good to bad in the space of seconds.

It was the second time it had happened to her in recent memory.

It felt like he’d killed a pretty little fawn, the kind with soft pale fur and big glistening eyes. Taken a knife and stabbed it straight through the heart.

Ben groaned as he waved at Rey from across the fence. It was the start of summer break and he’d just arrived home.

To his relief, Rey disappeared inside her house. She’d be around for a few days, but his mom mentioned Rey was heading to Paris soon. With Nat and Dominic, no doubt. Though hadn’t that trip been to Cabot?

Ben shoved his clothes into drawers with unnecessary force, desperate to stop thinking about Helena Rey for all of five minutes. He’d hang up his shirts later, he decided, making his way downstairs to fix himself a drink.

His mother was nowhere to be seen. Ever since retirement from the private sector, Leia Solo had decided to become the new Martha Stewart of their small town, God bless her soul. The fridge was filled with baked goods and fresh squeezed lemonade, complete with floating mint leaves.

He poured himself a glass and drained it in one go.

He would not head next door to check on Rey. Nope, not him.

Two more nights and she’d be on a plane to Europe. He could relax then. By the time she returned he would be with Finn and Poe exploring the Wichita Ranges, camera and sketch book in hand. His biggest problem then would be keeping Poe from falling into a canyon.

It was better this way. Safer.

Rey had always been out of his league. Even in pre-school he couldn’t believe the pretty girl with the incredible smile was his best friend. If they hadn’t been neighbours, their relationship never would have existed. Geography was the only thing that held them together.

That’s what he told himself. It was folly to pretend Rey and him could be anything more than casual acquaintances. Girls like her didn’t hang around guys like him.

Then why had she looked so hurt when he’d shut her down? He thought she’d be relieved. He’d given her an out. A relationship built on guilt for past sins was no relationship at all.

The need to see her again was like an itch he couldn’t scratch. Desperate for a distraction, he sought out his mother.

“Mom?” he called, bounding back upstairs and knocking on her half open door.

His mother was seated on her bed and he stared as Leia hastily wiped her eyes on her sleeves.

“Did you try the peach cobbler?” she asked, the smile on her face too contrived to be real.

Ben hesitated but entered the room and sat down beside her. “Just lemonade for now.”

She nodded, still snuffling.

“Mom, why are you crying?”

Ben desperately wished his father was home from work, but he told himself to man up. He’d been a coward when it came to Rey and needed to do something right for once.

He’d never seen his mother cry. Leia had a backbone of steel, forged through many a battle in board rooms across the country.

Leia sighed and reached for a tissue, blowing her nose and straightening her hair. “It’s not me or your dad, so don’t worry,” she said, sounding almost like herself again.

“Right… So who’s it about?”

Leia hesitated and alarm bells went off in Ben’s head. His mother was queen of the gossips. She’d never met a piece of information she didn’t want to share. Whatever she knew was serious.

“No, no, I can’t tell you,” Leia mumbled almost to herself. “I promised her just this morning.”

Ben frowned. So his mother had had a conversation with another female this morning. He knew for a fact Leia hadn’t left the house. His dad Hank called him last night grumbling about the amount of eggs and butter they’d bought, and then his mom called while he was on the road to say she’d been baking since five am.

The only people she could have interacted with were neighbours, and Leia was closest to Kira Walker, Rey’s mother.

Rey’s mother.

Like pieces of a puzzle, a slew of facts began to fit together to form a picture in his mind.

Rey was home for the first time in a long time.

Rey wanted to reconnect with her parents. She’d not only told him that, but then yelled at Nat over the phone about it.

Rey was questioning her life choices, unsure whether a high pressure career was what she really wanted.

Rey had driven all the way to see him, to make things right.

Something had triggered her desire to make amends. Something traumatic.

“Is Mrs Walker sick?” Ben asked abruptly.

His mother shook her head and he felt his stomach roil. He was glad he hadn’t eaten any of the rich desserts Leia baked, he might have thrown up otherwise.  


Ben gripped his mother by the shoulders, the intense amber gaze he’d inherited from her like laser beams. “Is it Rey?”

Ben wasn’t even sure how he’d made it to the Walker’s front porch. He knocked on the door, unsure what to say.

His mother had begged him not to reveal that he knew the truth. Kira had broken down crying and blurted out everything just that morning, swearing Leia to secrecy as soon as she’d recovered.

The front door opened and before him stood Rey. She was dressed in denim cut-offs that revealed the curve of her tiny bottom, and a white halter he was certain hadn’t been paired with a bra. Her lush red hair was in a high ponytail, her delicate face with its sweet rosebud mouth and freckled cheekbones uncertain as she gazed up at him.

She looked good enough to eat, her form so small he could pick her up and tuck her under his chin. Which he wanted to do. Wrap his arms around her and say it was all going to be okay.

“Hi,” he said, a little breathless.

“Hey,” she replied, twisting in the doorway.

She didn’t ask him to come inside and he couldn’t blame her. After all, he’d rejected her the last time they spoke.

“I—I want to take it back,” he said, internally wincing at his own blunt vernacular.

“Take what back?” she asked, shining hazel eyes going wide.

“I do want to be friends. I want to know you like before.” And as he spoke the words Ben knew it was true. All of it.

Her expression turned incredulous, and then a beaming smile split her lips. He felt his heart thud in his chest.

Why was she so happy about that? Was there more between them than he’d thought?

“That would be… I mean, yes. I’d love to be friends.”

He grinned despite the pain lodged deep in his chest. “Um, did you wanna hang out later? I mean, if you’re not too tired. There’s that new bowling place with the glow-in-the-dark balls, but we could do a movie if it’s easier on you.”

Her smile slipped, her face going still. “Why would a movie be easier on me?”

And he knew he’d misspoken. He’d never been good at poker.

“You know,” Rey said almost to herself. “How did you find out?”

Ben cleared his throat, feeling awful. “Our moms talk, remember.”

“Oh. Right.”

They stood there in the doorway for what felt like an eternity, neither one daring to move.

“Rey, I’m so sorry…”

“Thank you,” she snapped, interrupting him.

Ben stopped talking. Sometimes that was best.

She spoke again, her gaze fixed on the centre of his chest. “I appreciate you coming over, Ben. I—I don’t think I can hang tonight. I have a lot of packing to do.”

He stuck out his foot before she could shut the door on him. “Hey, what the hell?”

“I have to go,” she repeated, still refusing to meet his eyes.

Ben wouldn’t budge, putting his shoulders to good use as he kept the door wedged open. He reached out and tipped her chin up, dropping his hand when she flinched. But at least she was looking at him now, her eyes glossy with tears.

“Rey, why are you shutting me out? Isn’t this what you wanted?”

She folded her arms over her chest, two spots of colour burning in her cheeks. “Would you have come over to see me if you didn’t know?”

Ben stared at her, taken aback by the question.

“Were you planning to spend time with me before you heard the news?”

The problem with him was he was too damn honest. He said nothing, not wanting to lie. She would have read it on his face anyway. He was an open book to her.

Rey nodded once. “That’s what I thought. You’re a nice guy, Ben. Too nice sometimes. I don’t want your pity.”

“Rey, it’s not…”

“Please leave,” she said, her voice coming out high and squeaky. Tears had slipped the boundaries of long lashes and were running down her cheeks.

This time, he let her slam the door in his face.

Len spent an hour sobbing into her pillow.

She couldn’t blame her mother for talking to Ben’s mom, not when Len could see the stress lines all over Kira’s face.

For a moment she thought she had Ben back in her life. He’d seen the light and realised what she’d always known—they were two sides of the same coin. But it had been because of the disease. He had shown up on her doorstep because she was sick and that was what a good guy did.

She felt gross and sticky after all the crying, so she showered and washed her hair. Feeling a lot cooler, she wrapped her body in a big, fluffy peach towel that covered her from collar bone to knees and stood in front of her bedroom mirror.

“Cancer,” Len whispered, looking at her pale face. Her freckles stood out against her parchment pale skin. “Cancer,” she repeated the word with more certainty.

There, it wasn’t some boogeyman she conjured up with a word, it was her reality. Something that needed to be dealt with.

She heard tapping on her second floor window and assumed the wind was blowing tree branches against the glass. She reached for lotion but the tapping only grew louder.

Len turned and squealed. Ben was at the window.

“What are you doing?” she yelled at him.

“Um, Rey, could you open up?” he asked, his expression strained.

She walked closer and realised he was astride a tree branch that had barely held his weight at fifteen. Now that he was twenty-four, it looked precarious to say the least.

Rey heard a crack and Ben shouted, “Move faster!”

She threw open her bedroom window and Ben grabbed the sill, hauling himself into her room bodily, dropping onto pink carpeting with a groan.

“Are you out of your mind?” she demanded, her voice shrill.

“Shh!” he hissed, cautiously straightening his limbs. “Your mom might hear.”

Len rolled her eyes, fighting the sudden desire to laugh. “We’re adults, doofus. What’s she gonna say?”

“I dunno,” he grumbled, standing up. “Get out of my daughter’s room, you defiler of innocents?”

“That ship has sailed,” Len said, still amused.

“Who with?”

“Excuse me?” She gaped at Ben, unable to believe his temerity.

“Was it Devon Mackie?”

Her jaw dropped open, and for a moment she debated refusing to answer. “Yes,” she said at last.

His face scrunched up in disgust and she giggled. “If it helps, he was awful. Like, he barely made it inside of me. Practically came on my leg.”

But Ben didn’t laugh. His next statement took her breath away.

“It should have been me.”

Len clutched her towel to her chest, her heartbeat running away with her.

“I should have been your first. And your second. And your hundredth.”

She blushed, the idea of him on top of her, making love to her over and over again… it left her speechless. Though not for long.

“My fault,” she said softly.

He shrugged. “Mine too. I got mad when I saw all the attention you were getting from the jocks and cheerleaders. I pushed you away when I should have held tight.”

Len stepped closer, tipping her head forward so that her forehead rested against his chest. He smelled so good. She suspected he too had showered. His clothes were different.

“Are you sure this isn’t sympathy for the sick girl?”

His arms wrapped around her and held tight, so tight that for a moment she couldn’t breathe. “You had this tiny yellow bikini that I swear helped launch me into puberty,” he murmured, burying his nose in her damp hair.

She made a kittenish sound, loving the feel of his big, hard body against hers. And then his words penetrated her mind and she laughed. “I was twelve when I owned that bikini.”

“So?”

“Pervert.”

“Slut.”

She snickered again and he picked her up as if she were a child, carrying her to the bed. Ben’s body took up most of the queen-sized mattress as they lay side by side, his arms still holding her close.

“It’s always been you, Rey,” he murmured, pressing his lips to her ear.

Tears stung her eyelids and she tried to blink them away. She didn’t want to cry anymore, even if they were happy tears.

“I didn’t realise how much it hurt being away from you until I saw you again,” she whispered. “I’m sorry it took me this long to…”

But he was kissing her, his mouth as tender as she always imagined it would be, warm and soft and so, so good. “No more apologies,” he mumbled against her trembling skin, and dipped back for another taste, this time sliding his tongue between her lips.

She moaned and opened up, arms slipping around his neck, fingers sinking into the soft hair at his nape. She was a foot shorter and less than half his weight, tiny beside him. So she climbed him like a mountain, lithe yet soft, strong yet boneless, drawing guttural groans from his mouth as her towel dropped away and his clothes peeled off his body.

They made love twice and afterwards fell back gasping and panting on her purple sheets. Ben looked a little proud of himself, and Len… she felt better than she had in a long time. Her insides glowed with a bone deep animal satisfaction that came from intense release.

She snuggled against his chest, safe, warm and protected. She luxuriated in it, celebrating the moment.

His arms were still wrapped around her, as if he was afraid to let go, their legs tangled, her crimson hair melding with his raven locks.

Ben was looking at her like a boy who’d discovered fairies were real, his fingers stroking her cheekbones, wanting to leave imprints on her skin.

“I love you.” His voice was low and resonant, changed somehow. A grown man declaring his feelings for a woman.

She let out a tiny gasp, her hazel eyes like stars. “Ben… you don’t have to…”

“I’ve always loved you,” he interrupted. “Burn the thought that I’m here out of pity. I’m the luckiest man in the world, Rey. I have you in my arms.”

She burst into tears and buried her face in the crook of his neck. His embrace tightened until she wriggled to loosen his hold. His face was panicked.

“What did I say? I’m sorry—I shouldn’t have laid this on you when you’ve already got so much to deal with…”

She pushed up against him, her breasts pressing into his chest, her palms cupping his face. “I love you too. I’m so glad we found our way back to each other.”

He made a sound of pure relief, rather like cattle lowing, and she giggled.

“I’ll cancel my trip to Paris. I’d rather be here with you, Ben.”

He shook his head. “Why are you even going?”

Len bit her lip, and then realised she should be honest. Their relationship would work no other way.

“The cancer is in my liver. My doctor will operate in two weeks’ time to try and cut as much of it out of me as possible, and then radiation therapy will follow. Mom and dad knew Paris has always been a dream of mine, and they bought me a ticket so I could visit before the operation.”

“Aren’t they going with you?”

“They didn’t have enough money for themselves.” She smiled at him then, pressing a kiss to his collar bone. “But that’s ok. I’ll cancel and get a refund on the ticket.”

“Don’t do that,” Ben said abruptly. “I’ll come with you.”

She stared at him. “Really?”

He grinned. “What did Audrey Hepburn once say? Paris is always a good idea.”

Len squealed, wrapping her hands and legs around him. He kissed her, his mouth warm and insistent. She was breathless when he lifted his head.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“For what?” he murmured.

“Everything. This is… you are… everything.”

He smiled, his heart about ready to burst. “I lost you once, Rey. Never again.”

And Ben Solo wondered if a one week anniversary was too soon to propose to Helena Rey by the twinkling lights of the Eiffel Tower.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting. Please be kind. I adore the Reylo community and feel that Daisy Ridley and Adam Driver have breathed new life into the epic Skywalker saga. All your various fanfics have fed my soul and imagination.
> 
> This fic is inspired by the movie Suddenly 30/ 13 Going on 30 (title depending on where you watched it) starring Jen Garner and Mark Ruffalo, but without the magical aging effects of wishing dust. There was a sweetness to their childhood friendship that made my heart sing.  
> 


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